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Depression. Hate. Hopelessness.
Okay, well I don't know why, but for some reason I always use raidforums to vent about problems that no one else really knows about so here we go.

As some of you guys know I go to high school, and with that comes all the bullshit of being a teenager as well. I have experienced a lot of crap in my life, whether it be seeing my good friend E***** aka Nugget (yes they really called him nugget) be shot in the back or just dealing with the retarded school system. Because of the shit I've seen and dealt with I have always had a tendancy to give up on a lot of shit due to the fact that I have high anxiety now and I get overloaded and I can't deal with problems.

Recently I've been able to somewhat overcome the anxiety and other bullshit and tried to "grow up" and "face my problems" but honestly it's only caused more.
The school year is ending very soon and I feel that I didn't do anywhere near as well as I could. I legit have watery eyes at the moment because I honestly feel that I blew my chance at being successful in life. I've been expelled from 2 schools and my grades are shit.

I no joke have considderd suicide but I feel that I am only about to be 17 and I shouldn't go lights out just yet, also I believe that suicide is the cowards way out, and because I'm way too young to end my life over some dumb shit like this, but part of me really wants to. Honestly I feel like I've let everyone down. Whenever I apply myself I can do phenomenal work. But I guess I'm just a lazy piece of shit who's too pussy to admit that i can't finish anything.

I'm so scared, I feel like because of my criminal past and bad grades no one will even want to take me for college and I'm going to have a shitty job and wind up alone. Why can't I just man up and do it? I'm honestly just a piece of lazy shit.

I'm going to go nowhere in life, all my friends are just stupid potheads or gang members, and I just want to leave all of it.

All I want is to not have to worry about money, live in a decent house in the country (nothing crazy but i don't want to live in the ghetto anymore), and raise a family.

Maybe this is just teenage bullshit, but I really feel that nothing I do is right and I'm going to have to turn back to crime just to get by (because in one year im going to be kicked out of the house) and I'm honestly just scared of what the future holds for me.

I know this may seem like a bunch of random banter but I kind of just wanted to get this off my chest. You can go ahead and write "kys nigger" or some gay shit like that because honestly that's lowkey what I want to do.

follow up, I've literally gotten so depressed about school and grades that i dont even try, i'm supposed to be in school right now, and theres a chance I could pass this year, i'd have to do three B grade papers by monday and i know i could do it but for some reason I can't even bring myself to care, i dont want to be held back but at this point i really dont know what to do.
I know the feeling. I had/have shit grades too. I didn't know what to do after school. I was completly hopeless and sad that everyone knows what to do except for me. I have been right there where you are. Just don't kick yourself. Life will point you in the right direction. Bill gates is a harvard drop out. He was once the wealthiest human on earth. Steve Jobs dropped out of college, now look what he archieved?

There is a quote i want to give you

"At the end of every tunnel, there is light"

If you ever want to talk to me, then just hit me up via PM or discord. I will always be here for you. Im serious.
I know how bad you feel. I'm just about in the same situation.
I've been depressed near all my life. Suicidal the last 3-4 years.
Take a few minutes. Just to think, and think over yourself.
Accomplish small tasks and congradulate yourself over them.
Over time you'll start being able to complete better tasks a lot easier.
It's all about working your way up to it Tongue
Don't even worry about getting a counselor for this shit. It doesn't work. It feels like a counselor will string out your problems to make them last longer.
You can do this; just give a bit more willpower into school this year and during the summer you can relax and tell yourself that you accomplished something great.
Know the feeling m8. I'm failing school right now. i'm more stressed out than depressed, I don't really care for some reason. But i know that if i would study i would 100% be able to pass all the tests because i did it before got myself out of hopeless situations before. Just do whatever you can and it'll be fine.
Ban reason: Doxing RF members || || (Permanent)
If it makes you feel better, I have done shit my Freshmen through junior year. Got nothing but straight Fs, since I ditched all the time. The material was easy, but I just didn't feel like being anywhere. Here came senior year, and I found a shitty school that would be willing to help me out with make up classes and other ways to get my credits up to speed. I am about to get my diploma this week. It only takes one good year to still pass. About the depression, not sure how to help you there. I could say to cheer up, but idk. I've been facing existential terrors for over 6 years now. Truth be told, we can't do much about it but cope and distracting ourselves so we don't think too much of it.
im faling school and in july im gonna Suicide, no joke
Be careful of the thought-seeds you plant in the garden of your mind
For seeds grow after their kind

memes aside you're a pretty cool guy and I hope you stop being lazy and get on the work grind
I can't relate to the depression, because honestly my life has been pretty good on the whole. But that is not to say I am not a "fuck up", as most people would probably see it.

Anyone who routinely falls back on the "grow up and face your problems" BS needs to jump off a bridge right now. Those people don't know what you are going through and probably never will. All they manage to do is waste oxygen with their pointless monologues.

I don't mean to be a prick, but you are probably wrong in your approach to this. The idea that somehow "hard work" and "getting into college" will fix your problems is bullshit. Sure, there are people who fulfill the "American Dream", but they are rare, and most of it is just lies.

You have so much more worth as an individual than any piece of paper will ever say. If life gives you lemons, burn those motherfuckers and steal someone elses money. That is my motto. There are no rules besides your personal morals and the laws of probability.

If you can't finish high school and can't get a job, then make your own way.

Anyone who ever accumulated a large amount of money that they weren't born with or given was a rule breaker. Nobody ever winds up on top by following the crowd.

In terms of depression: life will not always suck. I know it seems like it will now, but it does get better in time. But it won't if you don't go searching.

Find some new friends. Doesn't matter where, but you need people in your life who aren't fucked up. Join a church if necessary (note: I think religion is BS, but not all the people who believe it are full of shit). Find people you like to be around.

Utilize every resource available. If you get kicked out, take advantage of food stamps if you can. Find free stuff in any way you can: dumpster diving is great for this.

Never stop learning. I don't mean that bullshit they teach you in school, I mean knowledge. Figure out how to do something that people will pay you for. Look for things people need and sell them. Learn how to siphon money out of bank accounts, if you can.

Use your imagination, find ways out of your current situation by any means necessary.

To that end, I wish you the best of luck.

That's a speech to remember WombatMat..
I agree with it completely btw.
There are always things to look up to, even if you life your life in hate like me.
Waking up, the 30 seconds to relax.
A breakfast once in a while is nice.
Just relax.
yeah fuck school nigga, you know, son, straight up.

go see a therapist it will help and maybe take pills for anxiety. Stay away from bad people and make friends if you can in the last year.. Try to bring up your grades as much as possible and stay away from stupid shit like gangs, weed etc.
IT'S literally pointless.. you can always work at mcdondals and get some good experience on your resume and build that up. They will train you to work with people which is very important. They have scholarship programs as well. You'll
make good friends at mcdonalds who might be going thru the same thing as you. high school friends usually go away when you're adult
Ban reason: Hey it was good having you "brad" you have a good one. Also I hope you liked leaching while it lasted. (Permanent)
I was gonna drop out because I failed 1 quarter of math, after reading this I cant complain.

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